Embarrassing online dating stories

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It was an amazing WTF moment and I never talked to her again.• I got walked out on on a date that seemed like it was going fairly well because I said I didn’t like french fries. • The date where the self-identified “artist” revealed her day job was working as a prison guard, and she spent much of our afternoon on a mumbled, paranoid rant about an anonymous “them” who were on the verge of their incipient take over of everything we hold dear. She ordered worth of lunch, which she wouldn’t touch because she was sure it was contaminated.He told me that when he bought his house, he hired a landscaper to tear everything out and replace it with gravel. • My dates “catch phrase” was a quote from Seinfeld. When we meet, I start to talk about Seinfeld and he tells me he doesn’t watch tv and doesn’t even own one.• A young woman and I got along pretty well in the bar where we’d agreed to meet, but things went downhill when we decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant.Since we gathered a truly huge pile of data from our online dating survey, we’ve published advice about how to improve online dating for everyone, for folks who date men and folks who date women. And then, in a small section towards the end, some of them are .

• My online date was eight-and-a-half months pregnant. ’ A gay friend of hers, it turns out, had inseminated her with a turkey baster, or so she said.

But the manatee was actually dead, and the body ended up falling apart and she was covered in dead manatee slime and someone had to fish her out and clean her up.

After some words of consolation from me about how fucked up that experience must have been, she told me she made it up, and every other story she had told me that night, because she likes making up stories.

• I can’t even begin to rehash the details, but the guy drove a Cougar as if it were a Ferrari, had a facial twitch that I’m pretty sure can be seen from space, had favorite hobbies along the lines of watching History channel documentaries, and disapproved of my eating of croutons in my salad. • I went on a date with an otherwise cute girl who wore a “Trogdor the Burninator” shirt and said at least one 4chan meme to me, unprompted, out loud. Girl randomly started replying and cursing at my tweets.

• I once went out with someone who, within an hour of meeting me, told me that his ultimate fantasy was to date a replicant. • This guy commutes to the city from Connecticut, which I never really get (why not just live in New York? I suggested that he must really treasure his vegetable garden or something in order to put up with 2.5 hours/day on Metro- North. He called me a hippie for growing my own vegetables.

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